Kristian Lo

This is life.

2011-01-18T01:32:00.001-08:00

So I have a story to tell you guys.

I met a guy. And it's funny how we met.

He works at one of those hair kiosks in Cross Iron Mills, and one of my friends got pulled into the kiosk to get her hair done. So I thought to my self, "She has a lot of hair, this is gonna take way too long" So I decide to leave her there and the rest of the posse decide to go around a shop while she's getting it all done up. After she was done, she found us and showed us her hair and it was pretty damn good. Then she came up to me and told me that the guy who was doing her hair wanted my number.

This has never happened to me before, and I blushed the brightest shade of red possible. Eventually after getting over the giddiness and squealing like a child, I gave him my number and I waited for him to call me.

It took him a while, but he eventually contacted me and we set up a date to meet. We had to reschedule 3 times because of unfortunate circumstances, but today we finally met.

I had an amazing time with him. All we did was just talk and lay in his bed. I mean, it eventually led to a little kissing and cuddling, but that was the extent of it. And I really like the guy. A lot. And I really wanna spend more time with him and get to know him more.

Why do I feel so down about this? He's moving back to Israel in three weeks for good.

Not good enough.

2010-12-08T14:18:00.000-08:00

This is what I think about myself when I don't get a solo.

But with this solo especially. I've had 2 chances to get this solo.

Both times I didn't get it. But you know what the real kicker is?

I taught it/coached the people who wanted to audition. And they got the solos.

I asked you a question.

2010-11-18T21:36:00.000-08:00

"What are you doing over the weekend?"

"drink lol u"

"Hahaha. Any occasion? Going to any clubs?

I have a concert this weekend."

"kool"

This is what I don't understand.

I asked you a question. Why didn't you answer it?

When I text or send people messages and I ask questions, it's because I wanna know about you. And then you answer with one word. Boo.

I Sahry.

2010-11-05T00:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

I just wanted to address you for a moment. For those of you that read my blog, there is usually a flow to each blog post. Well, I feel like there is a flow when I write them at least. And I strive to give you quality readings every once in a while, and hope that they entertain/inform/enlighten you in some way, shape or form.

However, with many of my most recent posts, I can assure you that they do not follow the criteria that I have just stated in the above paragraph.

They are angry, loathing and bitter and to me they don't have any flow at all and they end abruptly. These posts do stem from incidents that have happened to me, however, there should be a better way to address such dilemmas.

And because of this I would like to apologize for creating such angry posts. They are kinda of poopy. But they will stay up as a testament to myself. To show that in my clouded mind, that sometimes, I might slip up too. I know right? Me? Screw up? I was drunk. Ok, I lied. I wasn't drunk. Just immature. But, I feel that this is a good step for me. Becoming more conscious of my actions and impulses. I hope to be able to control them and not have such sporadic outbursts.

Also, I should post in a more timely fashion as well. But, if you're still reading, I thank you, that you have that much interest in me to keep on reading. Thank you and Gute Nacht all. It's 1:26 a.m.

Peeka Boo.

2010-10-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling beat down a lot by a lot of people. This might sound absurd, or may be it might be true, but I'm not a smart person, and I think that I try to be funny cause I don't think that other people will like me otherwise. I mean, I'm good for putting a smile on some ones face, but when it comes to creating conversation that really makes you think, talk to some one else. I realize I actually don't know much about anything, so in this respect, I don't contribute much to any intellectual conversation.

But the thing that bugs me most, is when people say, "At least you're pretty." When people first started saying it, it didn't think anything of it. But now whenever people say it, I just feel worse and worse about myself. And so now, to not make it that awkward, I join in to putting myself down. And I realize that I'm breaking one of my own rules, which is, if its been said enough times, eventually you're going to believe it. And I really need to get out of this mind set.

I think what I need to learn is that I have to not only watch what I say about myself, but also that I have to be conscious about the things I say to other people. I can't completely filter myself 100%, but I should at least make an effort.

Hear me out.

2010-10-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

This is something that I think everyone needs to hear.

Who gives a shit what people think?

No matter what you do you can't please everyone. There will always be someone who has a qualm about the way you act, the way you dress, the way you talk... ect.

Why constantly change yourself to fit other people's expectations?

If people are going to judge you by your cover, then it's their fault for letting their assumptions get in the way of actually taking the time to know you and make a more accurate description of who you are.

Do what you want, when you want, and how you want.

Just remember that you do have to face consequences for your actions.

IE. Don't murder someone just cause I told you to do what you want.

Don't mess with me.

2010-09-08T01:26:00.001-07:00

In my last blog I detailed an event that involved my parents and the church.

Don't fuck with my mom. I will beat the living shit out of you.

I totally believe in God first, then family.

But beating the shit out of you has nothing to do with God.

I'm already a big enough sinner aren't I? So what's the difference if I bust out your legs?

I'm already going to hell, so lets just add to the list.

I can't believe that you would think that this is the best thing to do when you found out that I was gay. Making me cry in front of the entire youth group and having me call my parents to pick me up wasn't enough? You go and call my mother and father and tell them that they aren't good enough parents because I came out the way I did? Who are you tell my parents that? Who gave you the right to pass that judgement on my parents? It hurts my heart so much that you would do something like this to my mother. And then you go and all everyone that I've ever talked to at that church and labeled me as a sexual deviant at 14 and ordered them not to let their children talk to me?

And it hurts even more that they kept this from me for a good 6 years, because they knew that it would hurt me. And now all I can think of is how much pain they must have had to endure because of me.

I love them both so damn much. And I can't bear to see either of them in pain. And this pain that you caused them is beyond forgiveness. I swear on my life, that if another incident like this comes up, I will make it as public as I possibly can, and I hope that you get shut down.

You can shout all the hate you want at me. I can take it from bigots like you.

But you mess with my family, and I will use all my power to defend them to the fullest extent possible.

Oh yeah, totally a choice.

2010-09-08T01:11:00.000-07:00

Being gay? Oh yeah that was totally a choice.

I definitely decided to be gay. I mean who wouldn't?

I mean we get to know about fashion, cooking, and making things look pretty and all the flowery kind of stuff.

Yeah, I definitely chose to be part of a minority that is being heavily discriminated against.

And I definitely chose to be part of a group of people where I could get my face smashed in for holding my boyfriends' hand.

I also chose to be gay because I really wanted that pastor who outed me to the entire church, to call my mother and tell her how bad of a mother she is for bringing up a gay son. And then also to proceed to call all other families associated with the church to isolate their children from me.

I also chose to be gay so that all the friends that I had gone to school with for 9 years, would stop talking to me.

I chose to be gay, so that people in the streets would openly call me a faggot, or cock sucker.

And you know what the best part about choosing to be gay is? It was just so easy! And I could totally choose to become straight again, cause changing sexual orientation is just as easy! But I don't want to. I like things like this that happen to me, so I'll just stick with it.

ROVE RIFE

2010-08-28T02:19:00.000-07:00

You know I had a good talk with my friend today about love lives and what we want in the future.

I definitely am a conservative when it comes to settling down and all that. I want to have 2 kids, and a white picket fence around my house, that's in a good neighborhood. And I wouldn't mind doing the whole housewife deal either. I feel like I'd be so content.

But I wish it would all happen now. Now before ya'll get all huffy and think this is a blog about how sad my life is because I'm gonna be alone forever and no one is going to love me......blah blah blah. It's not going to be.

I just feel like, I wanna find love now, because then it's one less thing to worry about. Because especially with love, a lot of people make it a big priority and so it consumes some peoples lives. One reason I think that is, is because people can't handle disappointment in their lives, and with love, it seems like Thor's hammer comes crushing down when they get rejected or they break up with someone. And they get all emotional and say things like, "No one loves me" or "I'm going to be alone forever" or "I'm so ugly and people hate me" and it's such bullshit and such an obvious cry for attention. I understand that when you're heartbroken that you're obviously sad and in mourning. But if you need to be consoled then ask for it and don't come looking for an ego boost, cause that's not what you need. If it was meant to be it will be. Maybe not now, and maybe not ever. And there's a reason that the average age for marriage right now is 32. So if you're 19 and you're bitching about all this nonsense, then please, do me a favor and get some self-worth.

Anyways, before I got sidetracked, I happened to say that people make it a big priority. And so where ever they are it seems that they are actively seeking a relationship. When they're in high school, post-secondary, and then even into their careers. And I feel like that takes so much stress and anguish. I mean, I want to have that NOW, and be able to focus on other things because then I feel like that area of my life has been resolved.

Also, I feel it's cause I'm lazy and I really don't want to have to take that much time and effort to fall in love, and be happy in that sense. And it sounds really bad that I want this to happen out of convenience for my life, but I also feel that love isn't THEE biggest priority there is. Granted it's up there, but it's not the thing that's going to make or break my life.

PROVE IT!!!

2010-08-12T00:23:00.000-07:00

Why are so many people out to prove things?

Why do they feel the need to let people know that they can succeed at a certain activity, or are better than a group of people in a certain way or that they aren't what they seem?

You know what? Fuck people.

Fuck people and their standards. Fuck their expectations, their assumptions, their challenges and their qualms with you.

We shouldn't have to prove to people that we are good at something, even if we aren't. We shouldn't have to prove shit. If people are just going to assume the worst of me, then they can do that. They can attach whatever standards, expectations or assumptions on me. Doesn't mean that I have to live up to what they think I should be.

Be and do what you want to do. Within reason of course. I mean, I'm not gonna murder someone just cause I felt bloodthirsty that day.

P.S. I like how you totally ignored my comment cause you know you're an asshole. Stop trying to be the bigger person, cause you just come off as "I think I'm better than you so I'm gonna put you in your place." And maybe next time you think I'm so "un-informed" you should brush up on your music terminology before deciding that you're right.

Let's Reflect

2010-08-08T23:46:00.001-07:00

I was thinking about this past year and the people that I really have to thank for it.

It now has been officially 1 year since I started singing. And within this year I joined University Chorus, Chamber choir, Early Music Ensemble, U of C Operetta and Calgary Men's Chorus. I also sang for the anti-racism rally at U of C, an Michael Jackson tribute concert, and sang a solo with Symphonic Band. On top of that doing lessons, and having a jury and all that, it's been a very dynamic and life-altering year for me.

And I really have to thank some people in my life. First and foremost is Naomi. Without you girl, I would have never even dreamed about singing. After recording those songs with you, I just felt like it was something that I needed to pursue. And you gave me some real good encouragement. You also gave me the courage to write my own songs and it feels so liberating to be able to do so. Thank you so much.

Secondly is Chenelle. If you hadn't encouraged me to sing, if you hadn't introduced me to Pat, if you hadn't been there for me for my auditions and everything, I would not be where I am today. I am eternally grateful for the influence that you have in my life and I look up to you so much. I wish that we could both be able to make music careers out of what we're doing. Or we can live in a box together. Whichever.

And thank you everyone for supporting me and what i'm trying to do with my life. All your support really helps me since I'm in such an early stage of development and I thank you all for that.

I'm tired, fed up of biding your time.

2010-08-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

That line is from "Tired - Adele"

But anyway, I would like to say to you that I, AM, SO, incredibly tired of having to deal with you.

You know, I tried so hard to be a good friend to you. I really did. But apparently all my efforts all come down to "Thanks for treating me like shit for so long."

If I didn't want you to be my friend, I would have stopped talking to you a long time ago.

But apparently, if I don't text you back all the time, or instantly respond to your messages, or invite you to all the places that I go, or introduce you to all my friends, as per our imaginary contract, I'm not a good enough friend to you. And you're thinking "That's not the way it is at all", well you know what? This is a friendship, it's not all about you. There are 2 sides. What I just said there, that's what you make me feel like I have to do to be a good friend. Scratch that, a "good enough" friend.

You know I also thought, am I overreacting to this whole situation about you? Well then I decided, lets check my IMing history with you and see how many times we've argued in the past year. Before I could even get past January, we had already fought 11 times. And it's funny how you were always so mad about how I always blamed you. And that all I had to do was say sorry. I did no wrong. All those 11 times that we fought? YOU initiated it.

Right now, I don't give one flying fuck about how you feel. You know why? Cause you obviously don't care about how I feel when you tell me how bad of a friend I am, or how I don't try hard enough to hang out with you, or how I probably don't care how you feel. Do you wanna know the last time I hung out with Shelley was? Before she started school all the way back in November of last year. And Venus? At least a few months. Same with Naomi, I didn't really see her at all this summer except for this month. But hey, look! I don't see them telling me that I treat them like shit, or that I don't hang out with them. Why? Because they understand that I'm busy, that I have more friends than just them, and that they aren't always on my mind every moment of everyday.

You always complain that you don't have any friends in Calgary except me. That's not my fault for not introducing you to people. That's your fault. You DELIBERATELY decide NOT to make friends with people at work because "I don't like mixing work with personal." I'm friends with people that I worked with. And we don't just talk about work all the time. And you must be thinking something like "I'm not as good as making friends as you are." Well then change it if you think it's a problem instead of just bitching about it all the time.

I'm not always going to be there for you. Eventually I'll move away and you'll be on your own. Then what? How are you going to deal with those problems then? Who are you going to hang out with? Who are you going to talk to about your problems? That's for you to decide.

Deep Breaths

2010-07-29T02:02:00.001-07:00

Within the next day or so, I'll either be jumping for joy, or buying copious amounts of junk food and stuffing my face.

You're gonna make mistakes, you're young.

2010-07-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

I would like all the younger people.... actually, I would like all people to stop being so emo about relationships.

All I see on my status updates now are, "Who would wanna spend the rest of their life with me?" or "I'm gonna always be alone"or "No one could ever love me"

I know I used to think like this, but what are you doing. It's probably the most obvious cry for attention there could be.

But also, this is an unhealthy mindset to have. When most people say something like this, they don't really believe it. They say it primarily to get attention. However, if they keep saying this to themselves, the eventual outcome, is that they're going to start believing themselves. And if you WANT to have any type of relationship, then have the proper mental capacity to accept that there are always going to be people that you don't click with, but there are also people that you will click with.

YOU DUN GOOFED

2010-07-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

If you actually know what the title is about, then I congratulate you on knowing your internet memes.

But this is related to this meme, but was also sparked by a lot of things that people have been saying to me.

Why is it that people seem to think that if you have a large social circle, or if you're conventionally attractive, or have lots of money, or have a lot sexual escapades.......ect that it determines your worth to society and as a human being?

I feel like at the moment, being alive is just to accumulate the ability to brag about your life. A lot of it is unintentional too. Something like Facebook. It shows how many friends you have, or how many people think this of you or, this is how many events you go to. I feel like our internet thriving society is being played by our own insecurities. Or people who obsess over cars, or women. Why you need something that looks so "amazing"? You should have a car because it is convenient for you to use one to get from place to place. Does it really matter how much horsepower it has? Or what country designed it? Now I'm not exempt from this, and I too have inferiority problems sometimes as well. And I feel that major companies can see this and they're using it to their advantage.

A lot of ads nowadays, make us think "I don't want people to think that I _________." For instance, the Old Spice ads. As funny as they are, a big part of their message is, "If you're not really a man if you use anything that doesn't smell like our product, but if you do people will think that you're more of a man." Why are we so obsessed with what people think?

Why do people rely on other people's validation in order to get self-worth? First of all, it doesn't work that way. Self-worth comes from within yourself. Secondly, the validation you get from others is just instills feelings of acceptance, which is still needed, but also an unreliable source of positive energy.

The only way that everyone can start caring about more than what people think, is to start accepting themselves for who they are. And really, as cheesy as that sounds, accepting your self, with all your flaws is something that everyone should come to realize. But also realize, that we are not perfect, yet there is room to improve. And if you feel that there is a flaw that you adamantly believe, impedes your growth as a human being, then you should take initiative to change it. You shouldn't do it because someone might think badly if you looked a certain way, or did things a certain way.

Ooooo, shiny.

2010-07-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

New layout. Ya like?

I think it looks better than "default layout."

A Summer Solstice to remember

2010-06-20T01:32:00.000-07:00

So today on the way home, from an amazing party that I attended, I was catching a ride with a friend, who was also meeting some other friends.

Little did we know, we got caught up in the middle of a coke drug deal and I didn't get home till about 2:00 in the morning.

But the thing that really scared me, was when we were parked in the PetroCan gas station parking lot, every time some random guy came to the door to buy snacks or pay for gas, the driver of the car, who was fairly intoxicated, would always scream and call them faggots. And throughout the entire drive, he obviously had a negative disposition to those of the homosexual persuasion. Even if they were obviously with their girlfriends.

At first I was infuriated by this, but of course I wasn't going to say anything. This guy was a good 3 times bigger than I was, and nothing I was going to say was going to change his mind. And then I realized that either way, no matter what I said to him, nor what he would say to me would effect my, nor his way of perceiving the other persons mindset on the matter.

I could say "You know, that's really rude, and it also shows that you're a narrow minded bigot who needs to respect other people." And assuming that he wouldn't punch the shit out of me or scream profanities in my face, he would say something along the lines of, "I don't agree with that sort of thing because it goes against my nature."

So we see here, that neither of us agree. And no matter what I say, he won't change his mind and neither will I.

So how should we deal with hate? Whether it be homophobia, racism, ageism, sexism...ect.

I think that we should just ignore them. Their intent is to provoke you first of all. And secondly, having a war of words isn't going to bring us towards peace and acceptance of our fellow man, and it just creates more hate. Because looking at it from both perspectives, we perceive each other as too stubborn to change our beliefs. So who is right and who is wrong? Obviously I would say it me right? But in his mind he probably thinks the same thing too. So what do we accomplish with this. Hopefully, these types of people will look back at these kinds of situations and realize that their hate does nothing. So all we can do is hope.

And the whole argument that people who are homophobic are just scared of their own blatant homosexuality, is so bogus sometimes. Because why would it just be restricted to something like sexual orientation. It's not like racists are scared of being the other race, or sexists becoming the other sex. It's really just their upbringing and their inability to properly channel their response to things that they don't fully understand or grasp.

What do you think we should do when hate arrives at your door?

Ego much?

2010-05-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

I know this might offend you cause you're dating him. But I'm kind of going to rant about him.

I really think there is a problem when someone has enough balls to post on their profile. I'm THIS smart! And I can use big words too like "arbitrarily" or "commensurate" and be able to make a cohesive paragraph out of it too. I mean really? Posting your IQ?

You know you could have just summed it up by saying "I don't believe in horoscopes because they just use generic, vague predictions that could apply to anyone." Instead you just made the entire paragraph a brag fest about your extensive vocabulary which I'm sure "dictionary.com? wasn't open during the time of it's typing.

I mean do you come off stupid, and in turn you try to compensate by basically saying, "I'M NOT AS STUPID AS I LOOK OR ACT OR PORTRAY MYSELF" I really don't understand you're stance on this kind of thing.

In short; I know, I'm a bitch.

And secondly: If people don't already know, there's no use in professing it.

You better tell me who you are.

2010-05-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

Who the fuck is messing with my life?

Honestly. You need to fucking stop. I don't know who the fuck you are. But finding out that there were copious amounts of people on my block lists on both Facebook and Nexopia? People that I could have had a good relationship with, but now I can't because I didn't know they were blocked for so long? I lost some good friends you know. Fuck you. Not only that, but I find out that my text messaging was blocked? WHO THE FUCK, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Not only that, but you had my blog disabled as well. Are you fucking joking me? I've tried changing my passwords and for some reason you keep finding them out. If I find out who you are. You WILL pay.

Fuck you.

Monkey Bum Sex.

2010-04-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend the other day, and we both came to the conclusion that people are starting to lose the point of dating.

For myself personally, I have been always taught, to not date until I wanted to get married. And I think that's precisely what dating is. It's getting to know someone to the point of where you feel that they are they person that you wanna spend your life with. And sometimes you realize that you don't want to do that with some people that you date.

And that's the really hard thing. Because those other people that you break up with were really just your experiments. And it's really hard not to make experiments out of people while trying to find someone to be with.

Dating isn't being with someone just to fuck them. That's called a fuck buddy. Just a whole lot more regular that intended. And I think it's really sad that the world has been reduced to such low standards and views. I'm certainly not saying anyone who reads this is lesser of a person than I, nor and I saying that I am better than anyone else. But I just feel like the point has been skewed horribly.

Stop this Train

2010-04-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

If you read my other blog post from the other day, you'll know how I feel about my parents and their future. Tonight, I was listening to some John Mayer. Specifically "Stop this Train" and I wanted to really know what it was about, so I listened hard. And I was singing along. Then he sang;

"Don't know how else to say it

Don't want to see my parents go

One generations length away

From fighting life out on my own"

I don't remember the last time I cried so hard.

[Insert incoherent sound]

2010-03-06T01:48:00.000-08:00

WELCOME TO ANOTHER BLOG ABOUT KRISTIAN'S LIFE.

This is where Kristian complains, contemplates, and/or capitalizes on his life, future and activities.

I should just stop with trying to sound smart. I think I stretched the meaning of one of those words just a little too far.

Anyways.

If anyone of you read this, you should come to "Sing for the Cure" that's happening on Sunday. It's a concert that's dedicated to help raise money for breast cancer research. 100% of ticket sales and auction money will go to the fund. We've already raised about 40,000 just through donations, but we would like to fill the hall so that everyone will be able to experience the must that we are going to perform. It is at the Jack Singer Concert Hall downtown and the concert begins at 3. Tickets are $30. Please come and support the Calgary Men's Chorus and Savridi Singers.

Besides that, if any of you know how Daniel Taylor is, you'll know he's a big deal. Well, in early music circles that is. He's a world renowned counter tenor, and he also founded the Theater for Early Music (TEM). They putting up a concert on Monday that is being set up by Pro Musica. Oh, and they're having a masterclass before their concert. Guess who has to sing in the masterclass.

I should probably learn my song.

I can't wait for school to be over. I'm starting to burn out from being in so many ensembles. But I can't wait till May. For those of you who don't know, I'm going to Israel for 2 weeks in May. And then when I get back I'm leaving the next day to "Unison 2010" which is a LGBT choir meeting in Winnipeg where choirs that support LGBT values are invited to participate in the workshops and concerts.

This entire blog feels like a huuuuuge plug. I really didn't mean it to be that way. It was really just supposed to be me, lamenting over my poor, busy and demeaning life.

Ok, it's not that bad. Things are actually really good for me. I'm happy where my life is going though I don't know what the future is going to hold. At all. But for now I'm pretty content.

Now I just need to pass theory.....

ELECTRONICZZZ

2010-01-12T10:38:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to realize something about my future life, and how electronic music is going to affect it. Lets say it bluntly. I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE A FUTURE. Because with all the new technology coming out, there won't be need for good singers, or musicians of any sort. IE Autotune. Eventually they will be able to make a program good enough to replicate someone playing the Pathetique Sonata, or have an entire orchestra so Armenian Dances.

I mean there are a lot of people out there who like the acoustic versions of many popular songs. But there are even more people out there who like the remixes of songs that are coming out, and percentage wise there are more remixes than there are acoustic versions.

It just kinda saddens me, because even if you don't use midi instruments and autotune, you still need the technology to create and record different beats and tracks. I just don't want the world to lose it's musical talents that it could be losing.

Sometimes, I fucking hate life.

2010-01-08T00:15:00.000-08:00

My mother just informed me that she had just purchased burial spots for my father, my sister and herself. And though I know that it's going to happen someday, the fact that she brings these kinds of things up make me feel like they're going to happen a lot faster than I would prefer.

I mean, I know I need to face reality, and face the fact that my parents are going to be gone in the future. But I mean really, who wants to have to face such a reality. I love my parents so much, and I really don't know what or how I would deal with their passing. Along with my sister.

I know this is a really emo blog, but if you know me, you know I would never really articulate these kinds of things. Sorry for the downer, but I felt like I needed to say it.

I love you Mom, Dad and Phoebe. <3

Me, me, me

2009-12-30T03:09:00.001-08:00

Why is it so bad to be desperate? Is it really that bad to want someone in your life? Someone to spend the rest of your days with? Isn't that what we're all striving for? To find love and acceptance, in not only the world, but within ourselves? Is it bad to want to feel at least a little validation? People always say that they don't need someone to validate them. But they never say they don't want someone to validate them. You know why? Cause it would be nice if someone did.

Why is it that we feel that we need to hold back? Why is it that we feel that we shouldn't scare them? If you don't make your needs known in a relationship, whether or not you reveal them now or later won't make a difference. If the person knows what their getting into, it's better that it ends then rather then when you have made a deeper emotional connection with them. Because if it was meant to be, it will work out perfectly.

I find that when you meet someone and you ask them what they want to be, in their most wildest dreams. That is when you find out what they need in life. Because if someone wants to be a model, then the are trying to find more than one person, they are trying to find a world of people who will tell them that they are beautiful. Because deep down inside we all have an insecurity, whether or not we know it or not. And it does in fact influence our decisions, choices and life goals.

So it is what all want and need. We all need love and acceptance. Some people may find it less conventional ways, but if they are able to come to terms with themselves and are able to become truly happy, then that's something that should strive for. We can't be perfect, but at least we should all be able to come to realize that, and stop trying.

Like father, like son...

2009-12-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

Today I realized how much of my father I am. Their friends always come up to me and always tell me how much I look like my father. That kind of disturbs me since I don't think that my father is an overly attractive person. Anyway, what I realized at 8:34 in the morning is that we deal with conflict in generally the same way.

We are never people to provoke someone, and so generally we don't get into many arguements. We avoid it at all costs. Even if there is an obvious problem, we'll find a gentler way to deal with it. But when someone decides to make us angry we both act out the same way. We ignore them. When I used to disobey my parents, not that I don't do it now, my father would not talk to me, even if we were the only people at the dinner table and I asked him a question, he would just ignore me.

I know all of the people reading this probably have not experiences this side of me. Mainly cause I get along with all of you. And even if I find something that might make me a little bit teed about you, I'm still a very tolerant person. So most people won't experience this side of me, and I hopefully don't have to show it to many people that often.

Maybe this is something I need to change about myself. I mean, it's not like there are many repercussions from it. It's not like my father has had some stressful past because of it. But I thought I share this because I'm starting to realize the impact our parents really have on us, and the mannerisms or habits that we pick up from them.

I'm a dick.

2009-12-12T04:53:00.000-08:00

I've come to realize how ignorant I am to the world. What I mean is, there are so many things to learn out there and there are so many things that I could become and so many things I could achieve. But I don't because I'm either too lazy, or I really don't care. So a lot of the theories that I produce in my mind are much more observation based rather than being based on facts. And it kind of sucks because I'll be thinking over something, but then I'll come to the realization that my argument is completely full of weak points because I don't have enough evidence or through logic to back up my point. And so I always try to never get into debates cause I know I'll lose, because unlike the people who actually read about anything really, I busy deteriorating my mind reading FMLs or watching Youtube.

I've also realized how lazy and complacent I've become. I really need to step up to the plate more often. Such as actually going to work out, which I haven't for God knows how long now. And with my grades they need to be raised drastically, and I should probably do my homework even if I don't the material being covered. Damn you part writing. Honestly, I'd much rather do Roman Numeral analysis than part writing.

This totally reminds me of a poem by Alicia Keys, and when I had first heard it, it inspired me to start my other blog and is stacked full of poems and lyrics that I've written. I'll post Alicia's poem here though. And so I will leave you all with this poem to ponder.

"I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
I trap myself further
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid

I am a P.O.W.
Not a prisoner of war
A prisoner of words
Like a soldier
I'm a fighter
Yet only a puppet
Mostly I only say
What you wanna hear
Could you take it if I came clear?
Or would you rather see me
Stoned on a drug of complacency and compromise
M.I.A.
I guess that's what I am
Scraping this cold earth
For a piece of myself
For peace in myself

It'd be easier if you put me in jail
If you locked me away
I'd have someone to blame
But these bars of steel are of my making
They surround my mind
And have me shaking
My hands are cuffed behind my back
I'm a prisoner of the worst kind, in fact
A prisoner of compromise
A prisoner of compassion
A prisoner of kindness
A prisoner of expectation
A prisoner of my youth
Run too fast to be old
I've forgotten what I was told
Ain't I a sight to behold?

A prisoner of age dying to be young
To my head is my hand with a gun
And it's cold and it's hard
Cause there's nowhere to run
When you've caged youself
By holding your tongue

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
It's like solitary confinement
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid"

- Alicia Keys

Life's a bitch

2009-12-02T23:00:00.001-08:00

You know, I decided to remain ignorant to the fact of the things that you two did.

I still don't know who is in the right and who is the wrong. But I became ignorant so that I could keep two people, that I loved deeply, in my life. But I ended up losing both of you.

What the hell did I do wrong?

BAM!!!!

2009-10-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

So my mother and I finally had a large discussion about homosexuality and christianity while she cut my hair for an hour. It went really really well. And we both have to come to the conclusion, that being gay is ok.

First of all, we need to define "Homosexual."
What a lot of people have started to do, is define a homosexual as a person who sleeps with those of the same sex, which is not the right definition. A homosexual is a person who is attracted to someone of the same sex.

Being gay doesn't mean that I always sleep with every guy I see. Being gay means that I am attracted to people of the same sex. In the bible, it talks about "sleeping with other men or submittng to the sins of ther flesh" So basically, homosexuals have the same problems with sexually immorality as heterosexuals do. For example, in the case of adultery, it also says in the bible that if you look at a woman lustly, you have already commited a sin, because thinking it is just as bad as doing it. This also goes both ways. If I were to think lustfully of another man, then I have also commited a sin. Same thing with pre-marital sex, or incest. It's all wrong. Whether you're straight or if you're gay.

So being gay, is not wrong. If you engage in sexual immorality, then what you're doing becomes wrong. What a lot of people forget, is that everyone is a sinner. Just because you believe in God does not make you less of a sinner. Because in the bible, there is no sin that is greater than another sin, and no amount of a persons sin is greater or less than another person's.

Being a Christian, means to become more "Christ-like," but we obviously can not be as righteous or as holy as he is. But we have to try to be like him. And in order to do this, we need to keep all our thoughts pure, and all our actions and words pure as well.

Now another thing that I would like to address, is that when people say that after you accept Christ, you become straight. That is untrue. When you accept Christ as your Saviour, you become more like Christ. You start to think more pure thoughts and you start to do things that Christ would do. Becuase as I've said before just cause you're straight, doesn't make you anymore or any less of a sinner than someone who is a homosexual.

I know feel very confident, in teling people that I'm a Christian, as well as telling people that I am gay. Because God does not condemn my attraction to men. He does however condemn my actions if I were to submit to the temptations from my attraction to men.

This blog is really jumbled, and it really doesn't get across what I would like to say as clearly as I would have liked it to. But it gets the general message across. I feel like this is another obstacle that I have overcome. And now I feel that I don't have this blockage in my life that's keeping me from having a better relationship with God.

OMGLOLWTFBBQ!!!?!?

2009-08-27T01:06:00.000-07:00

I really did not know what to make the title.

Anyway, I haven't really updated people on my life as of recent, for those who care. That sounded a lot more emo than I had intended it to.

School starts in 4 days. But I don't go in until 5 because I have no Tuesday classes. Heh. I have History, Theory, and German so far. And I'm waiting for Patricia to email me so that I can set up my lessons. DID I MENTION THAT I'M A VOICE MAJOR? Yeah, changed my degree from, BA in Music majoring in Euphonium, to BMus majoring in Voice. Ironically, my voice type matches my instrument. One of the big reasons for changing this is, I could have a performance degree in Euphonium. But really, who the fuck knows what that is? Other than band people. So voice seemed just a tad bit more universal. Maybe I'll actually be able to support myself when I'm older.

Also, every since Bang Bang You're Dead, I've been seriously considering doing some acting classes. I mean, I'm am no where near being a brilliant actor, but it sounds like an extra source of income. I'm going to look into doing more acting in my future.

My mother is much better now. She still has to walk with a cane. But she's much much better. And i'm so grateful about that. But she won't be able to go to China.

Wow I wrote this a while ago and I totally forgot to post. AHAHAHAHAHA Fail on my part.

Hope.

2009-08-18T02:40:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been discovering a lot of sites that are inspiring me. And I think that we all need to start sharing the love. I've had it with all this negativity. I need to start changing myself. I know that I'm not even near that place where I want to be, but I'm going to start trying!

So please everyone who reads this blog. Start sharing the love with everyone. Take examples from sites like: Operation Beautiful, or Gives Me Hope.

A video that definitely inspired me is; Lost Generation.

We need to start spreading around positivity and optimism.

We do not need anyone else saying how this person was a bitch.
We do not need anyone else saying how stupid someone is for believing a certain thing.
We do not need anyone else telling us who they think is fat or ugly.
We do not need anyone else telling us to change who we are.
We do not need anyone else being ridiculed for who they are.
We do not need anyone else being hurt by cruel words.

We do not need people crying because they can't be as pretty as the girl in the magazines.
We do not need people hurting themselves because they can't deal with the pain.
We do not need people dying because they can't stand being alive.
We do not need people purging themselves just to fit into their grad dresses.
We do not need people getting cosmetic surgery to look younger.

Because your age, your weight and your size are just numbers that are not proportional to your worth as a human being. And because:

Spread the love. Please link people to this blog.

Everyone could use an encouraging word everyday.

You ARE beautiful. Don't let the world tell you other wise.
Don't let society define who YOU are.

MUFASAMUFASAMUFASA

2009-07-16T02:59:00.000-07:00

This blog is going to be pretty random.

I totally would be a stripper. Why? I mean who wouldn't want men to be grabbing at your from every angle and throwing money at you? And they're so muscular. And The dances would be so cool to do. The only down side is if you got a stalker. Other than that I really don't see what's so bad about it.

On that note, being a prostitute would be sweet too. I mean if I did like five blowjobs, that would be a months rent right there. And then when I'm hot, I could get really expensive clientele. It would be the greatest. All you have to worry about is STD's and AIDS. Just wear condoms and get vaccinated.

And bulima. Whoever thought of that? Genius. Just get some teeth caps and Pepto Bismol and your teeth and esophagus won't rot. =D

It's 3 in the morning.

2009-07-07T02:54:00.001-07:00

I wanted to blog about something, but I really couldn't make up my mind about it.
So I'm just going to update you on the status of my life. Which should be interesting.

It's summer and I'm doing a show called RENT, and we have rehearsals basically until August 8th. Which I'm predicting is going to kill my legs. They're already sore and it's only day three. Gah. But it's going very well. It's going to be my second dramatic performance ever. So I'm excited about that.

I'm also registering for my courses. Since I have to do history again, I decided that Medieval and Renaissance music history has nothing for me, so I'm going to do Jazz History instead. =) But I'm dealing with this whole $200-deposit-before-I'm-allowed-to-register bullshit. But other than that, I'm technically a voice major now, but I've been waitlisted. Which sucks balls. But once there's an opening I'm the first to be called, according to my voice teacher that is.

My mother is in the hospital right now. She has a protruding disc in her back and so it's pinching a nerve and so she's in to much pain to really do anything. So now she's in the hospital jacked up on painkillers. But she's doing much better.

Other than that. I really can't think of anything that I think is worth mentioning.

Stuff it 2

2009-06-30T01:32:00.000-07:00

Oh. I really can't believe how stupid people can really be. And this is another instance that I have found on facebook. And one specific conversation led me to this. This is going to be rant as well.

There's this guy I know, Justin, and he's got a good body, ya know? So like any person with a great body, he took pics, and posted them up. I mean he has a few picture of himself. But he doesn't have a plethora of pictures of him shirtless. Anyway, this girl decides to comment on his picture. And I quote;

"I'm sorry but explain how this can be atractive ? i understand that you have abs but in almost every picture i've seen of you your topless . i find it annoying , like your urning to show off and impress ."

To which he replied:

"I just don't like wearing a shirt. Besides, every shirt I've got is boring and doesn't look good on me. I'd buy new clothes, but I can't afford them. So, stop judging. Last I checked people were entitled to not like wearing clothes."

And then:

"Oh don't worry i'm not saying your not entitled to be topless , im just saying its tacky and unattractive when every picture that said person is bare chested."

"You could have said that discretely and politely in a message instead of commenting on a photo. I'll change the ratio of shirtless to covered up pictures as soon as I can afford some better clothes."

"I'm sorry , but to be truthful with you this is about as nice as i get, unless you actually know me , and i'm not saying that you should go buy clothes you can't afford , i'm saying just don't take three million photos topless and them post them on facebook , its unattractive."

"I've posted 70 photos of myself on my profile. Of those, only 13 have me bare chested. That's less than a fifth. Hardly how you make it sound."

"Lets see , so that one fifth , may not seen like much , but for me three is too much , when someone who is talent like you ,dance, and puts up photos that way , i start my lose respect for that person cause it seems materialist , like you just want to show off and get the girls. It bothers me cause in my eyes it wales you seem like a jerk , now i can't say that you are cause i don't know you , but first impressions count ."

"Materialism is the belief that the objects you are able to purchase and obtain are a reflection of who you are. I believe you are looking for the word "Conceited". To be obsessed with ones self in the believe you are superior to others. In either case, I am neither of those. I do not use women the way you suggest, but I admit I am a show off. I am ... Read Morenot without my faults. As for the opinion I am a jerk, that one is yours. I can't say anything about myself that changes how you feel about me. I can't change what you see."

"No materialist is what i was going for cause , the definition of a materialistic person is that objects are more important to them , then other things. I could have used concetited , but as before i'm trying to be nice. I'm not suggesting you use woman i saying the way you make your self appear , makes you look as an arrogant jerk who is after easy... Read More woman . And everyone shows off in someway its a subjective way of showing self pride. I never said you WERE a jerk i implied that your appearance (being shirtless in this case) makes you look like a jerk but thats my opinion . You don't have to change the the way i "feel" about you cause its not an issue of yours unless , the way people see and think of you is really important. Which subjectively proves my point. "

"In trying to keep this conversation from turning into a heated argument I did not wish to imply that I didn't care about what you said. I do care what others say about me, but I will not change who I am because of that. I am proud of who I am, and if people don't like it, that's their problem. I do agree that most teenage boys, attractive or not, are jerks. However, your prejudice that I am I feel is very inaccurate. I'm not asking you to be my friend, because frankly I prefer being friends with nice people. I am asking though that if you have negative opinions about me that you go about sharing them in a discrete polite way."

He definitely embodies one of the things I totally agree most with. If you're going to confront someone about something on facebook, nexopia, or any social net working site, do it privately. This doesn't work for every situation, but in this case, she contradicts own arguement. She's basically telling him that he's showing off and trying to get the ladies, and tell him that he thinks this of him and all that. But since she's doing it publicly, it shows that she is also showing off herself. Not her body of course, but she showing her public opinion of this and hoping that it will sparka reaction of some type. Spark some type of attention, that will make her use her mind and be able to show her intellectual prowess. And it's funny how she covers up so many of her words. Let me decipher.

"It bothers me cause in my eyes it wales you seem like a jerk , now i can't say that you are cause i don't know you , but first impressions count"

Means "I'm going to judge you by your cover because ethically, I know I'm wrong."

"No materialist is what i was going for cause , the definition of a materialistic person is that objects are more important to them , then other things. I could have used concetited , but as before i'm trying to be nice."

Means "I made a mistake so I'm going to pretend to sound professional to cover it up"

"Oh don't worry i'm not saying your not entitled to be topless , im just saying its tacky and unattractive when every picture that said person is bare chested."

Means "Oh I know, everyone has the right to do what they, but my opinion is right"

"I'm sorry , but to be truthful with you this is about as nice as i get unless you actually know me"

Means "I'M A STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN. I DON'T NEED MEN. MEN HAVE NICE BODIES WHICH I THINK IS UNATTRACTIVE. IMMA GO MUNCH A CARPET NOW KTHXBYE."

I really don't understand the need for people to dispute things in public. It's so dumb.
It's this whole e-tuff thing. People are so much braver behind a screen than in real life. Some people ask me if I would say these things in public. I indeed would. If you want an honest opinion, just ask me. But I mean I've encountered arguments from ex-lovers, people who hate each other, random people commenting. It's so dumb. If you have an issue discuss it in a message. Because if you're going to discuss it publicly you're making the other person defend themselves. Or else they'll lose face. And it really kinda sucks, when you argue with someone who has a much higher intelligence than you so.

I'mma rant this out.

2009-06-26T16:43:00.000-07:00

Alright people. I'm getting sick and tired of people saying how this celebrity sucks and how they can do better and all that. it's stupid. You don't know them. You don't have a career in entertainment, so who are you to criticize?

One of my biggest ones is Lady Gaga. Every thinks that all she does is sing about sequins and sex and parties and glitter. They all say that she's just another new sex symbol with no talent. But had you actually researched something about her, you would realize that she is amazing. She was one out of 20 people to ever get early admission into NYU for musical theater. She starting singing and playing the piano at open mic when she was 14. She wrote songs for PCD, and Britney Spears. Go and search "Pokerface Acoustic" on youtube. She can sing. She is not another talentless hack. And when you all think that all she thinks about is all the parties a sex, you're also very wrong. In an interview, Lady Gaga was asked about her tattoo. She has one on her wrist, and it's a peacce sign that is pointed at her. She says;

"Give peace a chance. It's a reminder to me, that even though I write fun music about sequins and panties and fame and money, that I make sure to always keep in mind the important things (points to tattoo)"

Another thing that also is hitting to home, is Michael Jackson death. I hate that people are saying things like " I'm glad he's dead", "Good another pedophile is gone" For fuck sakes people. Show some fucking respect. Would you say that to your friends family if someone in their family died? It's incredibly rude. Just cause he's a star, does not mean that he's less or even more of a human being. Be respectful to a person. I don't really feel the need to exaplin myself anymore.

Visualize this

2009-06-16T02:26:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have to say this.
Not because I want to show you all how much better I am. But it's something that I think us something that people should hear.

When we did one of the visualizations, the one about earth, people would only bring certain people to that earth. Only the non-judgmental people or only the kind hearted and strong willed and creative. But I said that I wanted everyone to come.

My reason being that, even if I had the power to dictate who I wanted on my earth, I don't feel I have the right to decide who is worth more than another person. I mean, even if Hitler killed the Jews, he's still a human being. Just like me, and you. And if we starting dictating who we want on our earth, then we really will become what Hitler was.

Me?

2009-06-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

Somedays.

I wish I were asexual.

So that I wouldn't have to deal with falling for the wrong person. I wouldn't have to deal with the morality of virginity. I wouldn't have to deal with the conflicts of religious, social or personal dogmas. I wouldn't have to deal with being romantic. Or wasting money on Valentines. I wouldn't have to bitch to others about how this boy/girl is treating me. I wouldn't have to deal with getting dumped. Or divorces. Or pay for a wedding/divorce. Or children.

Life would be easier.

But do I really want to sacrifice depth for convenience?

Stuff it Queenie

2009-05-19T01:44:00.001-07:00

So I was reading this rant that this drag queen wrote about one of my friends. Now I'm not taking his side. But I'm just going to point out somethings.

This is the notes: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2504788&id=512866825&ref=nf#/note.php?note_id=83940681685

And the subject is Chris Power. Basically in a nutshell, this entire thing is about how Chris said something about drag queens, and how they think he has a god complex and how he's a bitchy rude homo. Don't forget to read the comments on the note too.

First of all, the biggest thing that they are ragging on is talking shit behind peoples backs. In the comments and the notes they SAY that if they were to see him that they would tell him to his face that he was a bitchy, rude, inconsiderate, idiot. Now I'm just saying, but what if Chris never reads this. That means that they are all being hypocrites about the entire situation. From what I've read it seems like no one has actually fully confronted him on this.

Secondly, if they hate him so much. They obviously don't take the time to know him very well. They say that they only thing he's good at is singing. You don't know him at all. He's an actor, and a hard worker. I don't know him that well, but neither do you. So you shouldn't judge his behavior. So what if he walks around like a god? I'm not saying he has reason, but I mean he's a good looking guy, with a great voice, amazing acting talent and a great personality. I totally understand what kind of attitude you're referring to. But not everyone can act the same way you do. Not everyone can have that pristine down to earth aura that you all obviously have. You continually bash his intelligence, and worth as a human being when you have no idea who he is.

Third. You talk with such superiority over him. You say things like "Waste of skin or waste of life?" "He's the load his mother should have swallowed" "He's an idiot" "The gay community would be a better place if Chris Power weren't there" As if you are the the one to decide how valuable he is to a community. The things you do for a community, your attitudes, what you say and your abilities are not proportional to your worth as a human being. YOU say he doesn't have the right to say shit about people, how he has to keep his mouth shut. Last time I heard this was a free country, and people can say things. I'm not saying that, saying certain things doesn't bring consequences, but if you're so bent up about talking shit about other people, then you shouldn't have made assumptions about what kind of person he is. I mean OF COURSE you guys don't say ANYTHING about ANYONE behind their backs. OF COURSE you guys have more meaning in YOUR lives. OF COURSE you slave hours and hours to make YOURSELF perfect.

Fourth. You talk about how you take so much time to do your make up, and... let me just quote you on that. "Razors, pan stick, powder, pencils, eye colors, contour, eye lashes, eye lash glue, lip stick, and make up ... Read More brushes...not to mention hair spray, duct tape, panty hose, underwear, nail polish, nails and nail glue...and then your outfit, shoes, jewelry, and hair...NOW, remember you need an outfit complete with accessories, shoes and hair to arrive to the bar in, perform in (one for each number you perform in), and then one or 2 to wear after...is everyone catching my drift that it might cost a few dollars to do drag? and thats just for ONE night!! you cant repeat outfits too frequently..." Right. I totally see how hard it is. Really I actually do. So let's estimate. Lets say it take about 4 hours to get ready. Hell let's make it 6. And then you go out that night to twisted. So that makes it about a 7 hour night. So that ratio is about 6:7. And you do it whenever you so please. Now lets consider Chris. He's in a production called RENT. He's also a lead. He started rehearsals in October, which consist of three rehearsals a week and 4 hours each rehearsal. That amounts to 12 hours a week. Lets add all this up. RENT goes up in August. So that's about 40 weeks of preparation. 12*40 is 480 hours. We're not including extra rehearsals what are added in either. And he performs for 2 weeks. Each show is about 3 hours. That's about 42 hours of showtime. This ratio is 480:42. Now I'm no math whiz, but this seems like hell of alot more time that he puts in that you do. And when you say he doesn't know what it's like to have to dress up with good makeup and outfit. He's a fucking actor. In RENT he's Angel. I think I've made my point.

And do you know what the funny thing is? You say that you do so much for the community. You go out and fundraise, volunteer, promote shows and show support for the community. And you feel you spend such ample time doing it. But in actuality, you'll never ever have the impact the RENT will have.

So let's stop bitching about how people talk behind our backs and get all mad about it. IF someone lies about certain things, then let them take the full consequences when they are found out. If what you say is true, you're just as bad as he is. He's trying to prove that he's a better person saying that he got offered the family name blah blah blah. And you go up and write this to prove that you have the courage to call him on it, and that drag queens are better because blah blah blah. BOTH of you are just trying to boost your own egos. This is so completely junior high. I expected so much more from people of this day and age. "OMFGZ HE SAID THAT I WAS A MEANIE." Get over yourself. Guess what hunny, why don't you stop being a drama queen, and stick with just being a queen.

Dog

2009-04-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that after writing the same simple word over and over again, it starts looking like it's wrong?

Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog.

See?

It's 4 in the morning.

2009-04-23T03:02:00.000-07:00

So this year is coming to an end.

And I'm still going to be busy.
I have RENT coming up. And Bang Bang You're Dead coming up. My voice audition is coming up too. I'm auditioning to be a voice major, if you guys didn't know. And I have one exam left thank god.

This hasn't been an easy year.
Moving out out was a good experience. But it wasn't the best thing for my GPA.
Workloads were high. And after endless days of going to school and going to work, I decided moving back was the better idea.

But I've met some great people. Made lots of new friends, and neglected a few old ones (which I feel really bad for), I've also reaffirmed my goals in life. And there are still choices that I need to make. But I think I'm going down the right path now. Or close to it at least.

But there is something I've some to realize about these blogs. Other than to feed our enormous egos, these blogs are for other people to read so that they may take from it what they will. Learn from our mistakes people. I wish that I could have known a few more things before jumping into this past year. Part of my mistake was not asking question. Another was just lack of experience. But now I know what needs to be done. I'm just scared this kind of incident will happen once I move to Vancouver.

McDicks.

2009-04-11T22:38:00.000-07:00

I love McDonalds.
It's so good. But there is one thing people do not realize about McDonalds. Yes, it can make you fat. Yes, it can raise your cholesterol. But I'm not 400 pounds. That's because I don't eat it all the time.
There is one thing that pisses me off a lot. When girls say that they're fat, and they don't do anything about it. They always say that Hollywood is portraying women as thin. And that only thin people are beautiful....ect.

The one misconception that most people have, is that they think that all the stars are anorexic. But out of all the the stars, only a small percentage of them are. Nicole Richie, and the Olsen twins are only just a few people that have these problems. But if you watch interview with Eva Longoria, Heidi Klum, Jennifer Aniston and other stars, they have to workout everyday, and watch their diet so that they can keep that figure. So being thin, isn't JUST beautiful, it's healthy. Being thin represents a healthy lifestyle, and that's why it's better.

Of course, as with all of my opinions, there are expections. I know, there are people who workout regularly, and have a healthy diet, yet they are clinically obese. This is just genetics at work here. And they can't help it. But they can feel that inside their body that their energy is high and that they dont feel the limitations that some obese people do.

So, what this entire rant is trying to say is, if there is something that YOU don't like about YOURSELF, then do something about it. Who cares if people don't like certain things about you. If you're not comfortable with it, then do something.

I love my life.

2009-03-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

I really could care less about anything else.
Politics, drama, work....ect.

Cause I will always have my music.

You're too close.

2009-02-25T12:30:00.001-08:00

So, I've recently started having voice lessons.
They're going really well.
I think so at least. I might even change my major.

Anyway, so I have to sing this duet called "La ci Darem la Mano."

It is about two lovers and their plight? I think.
I haven't gone through the english translation throuoghly enough at the moment.
Anyways. This got me thinking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqPcb1nKZYg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC_u_q-iND0

The second one isn't opera, but it has me wondering.
When we hear an opera, they do not have mics. That's because they sing freaking loud enough to fill an entire stage/auditorium. So I wonder. When there is another singer singing directly beside your ear...
Wouldn't you be deaf?

Just a thought.

WHAT? A YOUTUBE BLOG?

2009-02-24T17:15:00.001-08:00

Yes. I started a youtube blog as well. Just for kicks.
Here is my first installment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3MSSoKPmZw

I told her I like my dick sucked.

2009-02-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

So, just to tell everyone. If you haven't been plagued with an msn internet porn bot, they want you to watch their shows. I decided to be cool.

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
Hi?

Natasha says:
hey, Age/Sex/Location?

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
99/M/Mars

Natasha says:
hey whats up babe, U got a webcam? finally someone adds me, I am soo fuckin horny today for some reason lol

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
Really Well I like my dick sucked

Natasha says:
listen hun, I am just about to start my webcam show with jen, come chat me there in my chat room? We can cyber, I will get naked if u do..lol!

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
Will you suck my cock?

Natasha says:
I can show u how to watch if u promise not to tell anyone else how to do it???PLEASE

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
You didn't answer my question. Will you suck my cock?

Natasha says:
well since its the law that u gotta be 18 (nudity involved), u have to sign up with a credit card for age verification! BUT.. Once you are inside, just clikc on "Webcams" let me know what name you use to sign in with so I know it is you babe! ________________________ fill out the bottom of the page then fill out the next page as well and u can see me live!

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
ANSWER MY QUESTION BITCH!

Natasha says:
Please dont mention anything about that in the chatroom once u get in ok?

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
SUCK MAAAAAA DIIIICK!

Natasha says:
OH SHIT.. k I am late to start my show, I gotta get off msn...I will see ya inside my chatroom babe.. remember not to mention that I am upgrading u... You can use your msn name to sign in so i know it is you..

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
Fuck.

Natasha says:
AUTO-RESPONSE: hey just in the middle of my webcam show if you want to watch click the link ________________________________

Kristian - As comfortable as I am... says:
You women are useless

By the way i took out the links for the porn site. I liked how the link says it was for a girl named Sofia, but her msn name is Natasha.

UGGO MAN STRIKES AGAIN!

2009-02-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

Some people are disgusting.

This is going to be a rant btw so go get yourself a nice cup of apple cider and a comforter before you continue past this point.

I was on the train this morning, and there was this guy picking his ear. I was like, alright, whatever. But then he did the unthinkable, he wiped his finger on the pole that he and I were holding on to. If you guys know me, you can imagine the face that I gave him. I moved on to another pole nonetheless.

Another thing I think is disgusting, is smokers. They have no considersation for other people. They light up where ever, whenever. You get a ride from someone, they light up. You go to the bus stop, they're lighting up. They also apit where ever they want, and when you look around, you will always see a cigarette butt somewhere on the ground. It's disgusting. Not only are they polluting our air, but they are littering on our sidewalks and streets. I know I might be over reacting. But seriously, our government cares about having people not smoking outside and polluting our air, while they ignore the Kyoto Accord. It's retarded.

I also hate it when people laugh when someone gets killed in a horror movie. When I laugh I mean, laugh as in they love how morbid it is. I laugh when some people die, IE Paris Hilton in House of Wax, but when it's something like Hannible, and it's completely disgusting and morbid, and they laugh just to spite everyone else? I'm sorry, you're not impressing anyone with your attention seeking morbid ways. If anything, people are just going to start to stay away from you more.

Men. Men are starting to disgust me. I have to say, I like making friends. I like having friends. I mean really, who doesn't? I make friends over the internet too. And mean, it's cool when two people are able to connect with one another on that basis. You've found something in common and it's great. But, there have been instances where I'm having a lovely talk with them, and next thing you know they're asking to see my penis. This has happened on more than one occasion. Another time, there was this guy who invited me over, I had known him from before. He had just broken up with his boyfriend, and I assumed he was feeling down and he needed someone to console him. He wanted to play cards. I was alright with that. But just before we started he said, "Hey, let's make this interesting, everytime you lose you have to take of an article of clothing." Immediately, I knew why I was sitting on his couch. Needless to say, by the end he was naked, and I had taken off a sock. I can't understand how some men just can not get around the fact that sex isn't everything. I get messages on nex, always asking the same thing. "Will you come over and suck my big cock" No. It's funny how they're too afraid to show their face on a public website, but they'll jump at the chance to whip out their dick. I mean I've done it. But it's doesn't drive me to do it everything that moves. It's ridiculous how men base all their actions on whether or not they can get some ass. I can honestly say, with the town I'm in right now, I do not expect to progress in a romantic relationship with anyone at the moment.

Another thing. When girls are like "ZOMGS! U FARTED UR SEW DIGUSTIN" Hey. I don't see your farts smelling like roses. Nuff said.

When people update their status, and it says "...... is wit dere boo" or "....is luving her meng" or "can't wait to be in ur arms again" It drives me up the wall. Especially when they decide that it's cool to update it every 5 mins. I mean, if you have a significant other good for you. No need to broadcast it. I'm not even saying this from a single person's perspective. It's just stupid when people do that. And another thing with facebook. Why would you have a comment wars on your wall. It's just a way to prove that you're smarter than everyone else that happens to be in the conversation, it's a way of trying to prove to anyone who sees it that you have an intelligence that might be higher then people might assume. If you have to prove something about yourself, then do it through your actions, and not by spewing it in such an obvious manner.

It's starting to bug me how everyhting these days is geared to boosts someones ego. I'm not exempting myself from this. But I mean facebook. Let's see how many friends YOU have, how many pictures YOU have of YOURSELF, who has a crush on YOU, who likes YOU, who's YOUR top friend, how hot or not YOU are, and the new thing, how many people like the activities that YOU are doing. It's just disgusting me. Again I'm not saying I'm not a victim of this. I mean I do have 830 pictures of my self on facebook. And I like taking pictures of myself. But I'm getting annoyed how everything is just trying to make people seem alot bigger than they really are.

I hate people who are too cliquey. I try to open up to people and talk to them. I usually don't gravitate to just one group. But when people are in a social gathering, and they know that there are going to be alot of people, yet they insist on staying in their tight little group, should just go back to their homes and chill there. First of all it sets up an almost social hierarchy which is trying to make you seem more superior, by only letting certain people interact with your group. Second of all, it defeats the purpose of going out to a social gathering. You are supposed to be social with everyone, not just your group of friends. And third, it really sucks, when there are new people who either come to a church, or a workshop or school, and they can't make any friends because no one will let them in. People are just becoming so selfish these days.

And that's the end of this rant for now. And I need to say this so stupid people don't say things to me. I am not excluding myself from anyone of these statements that I have made. Maybe sometimes I'm a bit selfish too. Maybe sometimes I make stupid status updates. But these are the things that get on my nerves, and I try to be conscious of most of them.

Weirdest thing happened

2009-02-08T13:44:00.000-08:00

I was really tired last night.
And so I went to bed but I was just wearing shorts and my sweater.
Apparently I also left my ipod in my pocket.

When I woke up, I found my ipod in my pants.

Benjamin Button

2009-02-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

I went out and saw "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" the other day.

And it made think alot that night. Thanks. I had to get up at 6.
But what it made me think about was that, life goes on.

What I mean is, we go about our day, we go through all our experiences; we go to the store, we go see movies, we go to school and we go home. But what we really don't realize, is that cashier that took your money when you got that passion raspberry shaken iced tea lemonade, also has a life. But we just pass by. It might not be significant to us. But it's their life, and we no nothing of it. And it's a wonder that so many lives are going around us, and we are so oblivious to it. She might have just had a miscarriage, or broken up with her boyfriend. Or maybe she just got married,or just got back from Hawaii. We don't know. And it makes me want to know more about people.

What my real point about all of this, is that, the lives around you go on. No matter what happens to you. Your family maybe die, you might have been in an accident. Your world may have stopped. But people just keep on living on. It just made me think about life in a whole new manner.

Like how am I going to react when my mother/father/sister dies. If I witness it that is. Will I move on easily? Or will I become silent in all of my other activities. Who am I going to tell? Who wants to know?

If you've read my suicide blog, there is something that I would like to add. This is something that my best friend brought into light for me. C.S. Lewis basically wrote, " How can you say your life is meaningless, when you don't even know the meaning of your life?" And it's so amazingly true. The biggest philosophical question there is to man. What is the meaning of life? No one fully knows. In his book he makes an analogy. How do you know that a line is straight, when you don't know what a crooked one looks like? You can't imagine the opposite of something that you do not know.

I've come to realize, that life is just amazing. So is yours! I mean your reading my blog aren't you? But I'm so grateful that I can live another day. Just the fact that I can get up and see the sun, and breathe the air is enough. McDonald's breakfast wouldn't be bad either. But I'm happy I'm alove for that too. I really don'tknow why people really want attention to the point of ending their life. Like I said, you will be forgotten. Life does go on, and people will eventually forget that you existed. But live it to the fullest for yourself, and not for someone else, or for other peoples approval.

Also, I wish I were as gorgeous as Brad Pitt is in this movie.

I'm dutch.

2009-01-12T15:47:00.000-08:00

I'm so pro-life now. I've realized that's exactly how I stand on things. And to be honest, I don't care that pro-choice is "modern" now. It doesn't make it right.

Women are always complaining that they don't have that many choices when it come to giving birth. I completely disagree. When you get yourself pregnant, you narrow your choices that you have. In the beginning, you have so many choices. I mean first off, you have the choice of having sex, or not having sex. But if you chose to have sex, you could have chosen use the morning after pill, birth control, condoms, spermicide, oh, abstinence is still always a good too. And when you decide not to choose any of these choices and just go through with it, you give yourself but one more choice. Abortion or no abortion. See how that happens? Just cause it might feel better, or just cause your man likes it doesn't give it that much more incentive to do it.

Wikipedia describes pro-choice as; women should complete control over her fertility and the choice to continue or terminating a pregnancy. You do have a choice over fertility. You just need to make the right choice. If you know you don't want the kid in the first place, then you should have made one of those choice as stated in the above paragraph.

And when women say that they have a right to do whatever they want with their body I totally understand that. But you know what? Leave that child's body alone then. It's not your body that you're killing. You might not think it's a body. You might think that's it's just a few cells. But no matter what you say, you're just making excuses so that you don't have to burden yourself with the choices you made in life. It's almost as if you're saying, I don't feel like being accountable for my actions, so I'm going to get an abortion. When people/things don't feel like being accountable, you get people like Paul Martin.

And why is it that abortion isn't as bad as a murder? You say that the life hasn't started yet. That's because you never gave it a chance to start. You extinguished a life before it was even able to being. I'm using your definition of when a life starts by the way. Cells are considered living organisms. So when those two cells meet, there is already life. You're killing a baby because you don't want to have to take the responsibility for your actions. For making the wrong choices. It's not like you can just kill a person who is comatose because they are in the way of you getting that big family inheritance. I mean of course you can, but it's obviously unethical. If you were mature about what you did, you would realize that taking that small precaution before you have sex, could save you alot of pain, money, guilt, and maybe you would still be dating your boyfriend. Might I also remind you, if you go to the hospital for an abortion, you can only have so many in a year. So, to even maybe entice you, wouldn't you rather have sex as many times as you could WITH condoms, than only a limited about of times WITHOUT condoms, in that allotted year?

I understand that it's hard to turn away from our temptations and pleasures. And I admit, I'm not one that can talk about being abstinent. But the thing is I regret it doing it at all. I really wish I never had started. Because I think sex is such a special thing. I'm not even talking about this in a religious perspective. I mean after sex, I just want to cuddle up with the other person, and talk about stuff, and all that. But in this day and age, it's all about getting it done, and that's it. It's terrible how something so intimate, is becoming something so common and mundane.

Of course, there is that issue of rape. I understand the emotional and psychological turmoil that the woman has to go through. But they can always give that kid up for adoption. Because if you know you can't love it, than give it to someone who can. Even if the person who raped you was an evil person, it doesn't make the kid evil. Obviously I understand how it does in the mind of a ''rapee", but I don't think you should end a life without knowing what it could become. Many good things come from mistakes. French fries, opera, Coca-Cola, pacemakers, and penicillin are just a few.

Maybe I don't have the right to say this because I'm not a woman, but I'm just voicing my opinion. I'm not making you agree with it. And I'm not forcing it down your throat. You can read this if you want to. But you don't. And you're always allowed to disagree with it if you do.

Trust

2009-01-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

I'm going to tell you a story about my faith, and why it's going to be so hard for me to be able to get back to it.

As most of you know, I am gay. But of course, going to church and a Christian private school, you just don't tell people these things. This is probably when I was about 13-14. I knew I was gay then, but of course when all gay men start out they don't want to just say I'm gay and "BAM" it hits everyone. They mostly come out as bi-sexual at first. So, at the church, I had some very close friends, and only they knew about this. But I was heavily involved with the church. I was in the worship team, I would go to summer camps. I love God with all of my heart and all of my soul. I even went on a mission trip. I felt like God was pretty much everything.

Then one day, when I was at youth group, one of the older girls asked me if I was bi. Of course I said no. But somehow, as the night got longer, people started to look at me weird. And near the end, my pastor took me into another room and asked me right upfront. I, of course, denied it. But it was too late, by the end of the night, I only had that one friend left. Mandy Lo. When my parents picked me up after that that had happened, I told them that I was never going to that church ever again. And I never have.

I thought it was all over. But until recently Mandy told me that they called her and told her mother that I was gay. Of course she already knew. They also told Mandy that if anything like this ever arises that they should tell the church and not their parents. She also told me that there were people from the church who called her mother to tell Mandy not to hangout with me, becuase a guy and a girl hanging out is apparently a sin with a damnation to hell if it was done.

Also from my school, I generally had a very good acceptance with them. But there were two. My ex-best friend, Cuong, and Chris. I thought Cuong would be on my side seeing as he was my best friend at the time. But he was extremely distant when I told everyone. And the thing that really tipped me over the edge was on msn one day when I told him that I wanted to take voice lessons. "How much more of a fag can you be?" I didn't talk to him again until this year. I'm thankful though. He apologized. Thank Cuong. You're the only who has done so. And then there was Chris. After I told everyone, he flamed me. Telling me about how I have no style and that I'm so ugly and I couldn't get any girls and that's why I became gay. It's great to know that he needs brand names to make himself feel popular and fashionable. Of course since that was a while ago, I reacted immaturely.

There were many things that happened to me, that have made me shut off from very many people. There are certain people I don't talk to or would rather not associate with. I know it's very judgemental of me, but I would rather not get hurt that badly again. It's probably another reason why no one really gets to see any of my negative emotions. This is my story. And please, if any of you have any stories or discrimination, please share.

Thank you, ATWT

2008-12-28T05:08:00.000-08:00

Love is becoming so selfish.

You watch people running away with each other so that they can be with the person they love. They break other peoples hearts so that they can be happy. They are willing to hurt their children, their parents, and their friends. I'm sorry to say, when I do fall in love with someone. I will love them with all of my heart and soul. But if they ever tell me choose between them and my family. I'm going with my family. I'm sorry to say, I love them, but my family is my own flesh and blood. I've been with them for all of my life, as opposed to with my lover for only so long. Sure my lover has been with me in my ups and downs, but my family has been there for every one of my ups and downs.

Love is not just bound to your significant other. There is love with your parents, your siblings and friends. Just because I'm in love with a person, doesn't take away from the fact that I love everyone else just as much. People are just obsessed with finding love. You know what? You've already got it.

Suicide is stupid.

2008-12-09T00:23:00.000-08:00

I think it's dumb that people commit suicide in our society. People of our class. People of our nation and wealth. We are lucky to be where we are. In a place where we have food, and shelter. A place where we know who we are, and a place where we belong. Why would to sacrifice it all. And it saddens me, that so many teenage girls commit suicide because they can't live up to that hollywood figure. How they can't a size double zero, or have perfect skin, or poise or elegance, or money. And how they try to gain that one last bit of fame, by killing themselves and being remembered by only their family.

Take children in the less fortunate places in the world. Places where children have to see their mothers and fathers being raped and then killed in front of them. Places where 10 year olds have to take care of four of their other siblings. Places that are ravanged by disease, filth and blood. Places where basic needs are not even met. Yet they still are happy that they have their lives. They go about each day, grateful for their lives. But people in our society. Just because they aren't important enough. Just because they don't have enough friends. Just because they didn't get a valentine. Just because they don't have enough attention, it warrants enough reason for suicide. You know what, neither do those children who are starving in third world countries. But hey, at least they're thin right?

I am a Prisoner of Words unsaid.

2008-11-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

My new blog.
Please subscribe/follow it if you want.

http://inexprime.blogspot.com/

Experimenting with men, I MEAN!.........Drugs

2008-11-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

I hate how in every T.V show, no matter reality, sitcom or soap opera, there is always a stereotypical gay guy. I hate how they portray us as fashion oriented, high voiced, flamboyant, hand talkers. I understand that this is an attempt to get society to become more comfortable with homosexuality. But, if you want to have an accurate portrayal then they all can’t be fashion oriented, high voiced, flamboyant, hand talkers. Because not every gay guy is the same. There are even gay football players, baseball players, soccer players, hockey players, rugby players and wrestlers. We do play sports contrary to popular belief. We don’t all wear pink, we’re not all girls’ best friends, I don’t know any gay guys with speech impediments, and we are not all florists, hairstylists, make-up artists or models. So, if they want us to be more accepted in society, then they need to put out a gay man that lives their life just like everyone does. They’re people too. They breathe. They eat. They sleep. They go to school. They go to work. They have friends. They have the same emotions. They have standards.

Another thing that bugs me is that every straight guy always seems to think that if they are within 60 miles of a gay guy, that that gay guy will try and seduce them. First off, it’s sad when ugly ass motherfuckers think this. They get all up in arms when a gay guy is near them, and they can’t even get a girl. It’s such an obvious mindset. They obviously have hierarchy set up in their mind. Apparently gay men are lower than them. So, of course, a gay man would want to hit on a straight guy, cause I mean straight is always better right. They think we are sub-human beings that would give anything to be just as good as a straight guy. Obviously. Might I remind you, there are many gay men around the world who are some of the best looking people in the world, and a lot of them have amazing bodies at that. For myself, I will never actually hit on a straight guy, mostly because they’re straight. I would never want them to have the satisfaction that both sexes are attracted to them.

Then again, the bassoon isn't really that loud to begin with

2008-11-15T20:31:00.000-08:00

I love university.

I don't know what it is. It's the biggest change from high school.

It's where, if you were known as the biggest science geek around, you meet every other science geek in the city, province, country, or even the world. Where when people think you have problems cause you only talk about the last CPO concert, you find other people who know more about it than you. Where you can bump into someone and not get a fight. Where you can make friends just by standing in line to get food. A place where everyone's passions all become one. Where everyone's interests, are the same. It's like when I'm at school, no where else exists. It's just the university, the people in it, the learning that goes on, the freedom, the friends and just the sheer atmosphere.

There is no more bullying, unless your in a frat. Everyone has at least something in common with someone else. People walk around with their laptops in hand instead of textbooks. Where you don't have to stick with the teacher that you don't like. Where the level of intellectuality is thriving everywhere. It's amazing to me.

I mean when I look around, I see people who aren't left out.

I see people who care about the future. People who looks forward in their lives.

People who look forward in the world.

I love university. Alot.

I won a cheeseburger on the McDonalds Monopoly Contest

2008-11-03T19:13:00.000-08:00

This is disgusting. If you've read my blog on October 8th, you'll understand my next portion.

I was at the train station today. And I saw these Junior high kids (They had their Bob Edwards lanyards) hugging and kissing. Of course I was disgusted with this fact. But then I realized one thing. There were these two girls how where making out and holding each other to impress a boy. I could tell because they kept saying, "You like that?" Ok. That's crossing a line. I'm pretty sure if your parents were acceptable to you being a lesbian, they would kill you if you were doing this at the age of 12. It's not the fact that I think they're "confused" or whatnot, it's the fact that they are 12. And the fact they they've seen this on T.V. and they're trying to get a guy by doing it. Honestly, where else would they have learned this? Where would they have seen that a guy would be attracted to this type of thing? Seriously, the media as degraded society to this?

I'm appalled.

Mary is the object.

2008-11-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a very short blog.

I've realized something about my music. I play classical music and I love it, but I love R&B/Soul/Blues/Hip-hop/Pop/Ska/and some rap. So this is what i've summed it up all to;

I'm a classically trained musician, with taste in it's music, but I'll always be a ghetto boy at heart.

2008-11-03T14:32:00.000-08:00

I got this tattoo for my sister. Ever since she was young she would always listen to these cassette tapes of "Sound of Music", "Barney", and all these cassette tapes of songs that she loved. And through the 18 years that I've listened to these over and over, I can probably recite an entire tape from the beginning to end from memory. And so, not only does this tattoo represent my love of music, but my love towards my sister. I love you Phoebe. It looks really stretched cause I had to flex my leg in the position I was in to take the picture. It's also really red cause it's still bleeding. I did just get it like 8 hours ago.

I use tanning lotion.

2008-10-29T10:49:00.001-07:00

So I haven't blogged in a while. And I just started this blog. Amazing what procrastination can do to you. I've had midterms and work and friends.

Speaking of work. Interesting story. I work at Staples, and I'm in the copy and print center. So that means that I have to print pictures, photocopy....ect. Anyways. This girl comes in, she asked if I could print of these pictures of her. Of course I could. She looked about 16 by the way. So when I accessed the card on my computer, there were pictures of her naked. I freaked. I went into shock. I looked at her with this look of disbelief. She stares at me for a second. "Oh I'm a stripper, don't worry I'm like 21" Of course, that calmed me down a bit. I'm sorry to say, but naked pictures of people, who happens to be standing beside you, isn't so exciting for me.

I dropped Linguistics today. I reasoned that dropping one class was better than failing all of my classes. It's a very intense course. I gotta research more often about courses. I'm doing really well in all of my classes, except History. I need to focus on my term paper, and studying for my Final. This is bad you guys. I hope I don't kicked out of Uni, or not get into the course that I want to get into. But enough moping. Initiative is what I need. I really just wish I could have this sudden epiphany and then just do what I need to do. Again, I must reiterate that I am not used to University at all. It's so different from high school. Honestly, when our history teacher was explaining footnotes, annotations, and ibid, I was so confused. It was like everyone learnt it in high school but me. But enough about myself. I must get to my lessons now.

RANT.

2008-10-18T17:06:00.001-07:00

OK. I have to say this.

IMMIGRANTS.

If you come into our country, don't cause trouble. Cause you know what? You deserve to be deported if you do. You know people always make big deals about people who come into our country illegaly and they don't do anything bad, but when they're found out they're supposed to get deported correct? But then people are all like, "THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GET DEPORTED CAUSE THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BAD!!!!" Ya. Right. EXCEPT FOR SNEAK INTO OUR COUNTRY. Seriously, if the government made an exception for them, who else are they going to do it for? Gang members? Murderers? People really don't think. If you don't want to get deported, then do it legally. Or, be content where you are, sure it may be a shit hole, but if you've lived there all your life, I'm sure you're pretty used to it by now.

ALL COMPANIES WHO HIRE FOBS AS CASHIERS.

Seriously, don't hire people who have the english equivanlency to a kindergardener. AKA. FOBS. I went to Tim Hortons the other day. I asked the woman, "Do you take american cash?". She said, "Two Chicken Fajita's?" I almost shit a brick. Seriously. HOW DO THOSE EVEN RELATE????? And when I went to starbucks, I asked for my "Passion Raspberry Shaken Iced Tea Lemonade", she didn't even know what raspberry was. And I also hate it when FOBS complain about bad customer service because they couldn't understand the directions. Honestly, don't complain about our customer service if you can't even say that properly in english. Don't complain, if you haven't made an effort to at least learn out language. In Canada, our official languages are french and english. Not chinese, not vietnamese, not hindu, not arabic. So don't complain, you moved to this country, so YOU should be the one who has to deal with this dilema.

READ!

People really need to learn to read signs. I have this thing where I say, "People who say there is no such thing as a stupid question, have obviously never worked in customer service." Or just dumb ass questions. I work at Staples. And when people ask if the printers actually print. I want to disembowel them. Or when I'm waiting in line a McDonalds. I've been asked more than once if I was standing in line to get food. No, I just like standing in lines, cause it gives me a great thrill and a hrad-on. Seriously, smarten up people. If I didn't get in trouble for giving sarcastic comments, then no one would ever be hearing the straight up truth.

RETARDS.

Ok, I find this one really funny. When all these "gangsta" guys get all mad at the police for giving them a ticket for not having a bus ticket. You know, that's usually what happens when you disobey the law. I don't think I need to go any further. Seriously, who are you trying to impress? Your "girls". I'm sorry, but you if get a girl that's impressed by that kinda stuff, she better give really good head or something. And when you guys get your pink phones, I really don't see how people don't right through that. I mean it's such a stereotypical tactic for men to seem like they can relate to women by getting something pink, which shows, or creates the illusion that they are in tune with their emotions thus causing them to be better people than they really seems to be.

This is all I'm going to type for now. I have so much more to type, but I feel that everyone should at least read this. There will be more RANTS. And I know, there are always exceptions to all cases. I'm not that close minded.

I'm addicted to McDonalds.

2008-10-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving.
As some of you readers might know, on Sunday, I went to a dinner that involved friends of my mom and a connection between the death of someone and my name. It was a great dinner, the food was great and the people were fun, and amazing. They had a great house, you can tell they were really, really wealthy.

But I had this feeling all night, I had this feeling that if I said one thing wrong, that it would trigger some residual memory and they would burst into tears. I also felt so extremely inferior to them. They were so rich, and they had such good friends, they went to exotic places, they bought so many things. I felt very uncomfortable when I talked to the actual family that I had a connection with. But with their friends, I had a great time.

All in all, it was a fun day, I made new friends, saw cute boys, and found out about myself a little.

I had my first midterm today. It was ok. I mean it was Music History. I'm pretty good with that. But I didn't actually study for it so I'm not that sure about it. I've decided that I have to move back in with my parents, and for second semester I have to take some initiative with my schooling. Enough with procrastination, and putting things off. I need to get into Music Therapy. And that means making some sacrifices.

Apparently, 2 girls 1 cup, is one of those videos you don't want to see, but you can't help but seeing.

2008-10-12T00:22:00.001-07:00

I went shopping today. And I'm pretty happy with my choices.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acLZxWy9dvg

I really can not tell you why I did it.
I just did, and now, i regret it with all my life.

I really cannot get the images out of my head.

A leaf hit me in the face today.

2008-10-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

GAHHHH.

I was late for Musicianship today. I mean, I haven't been late for such a long time.

Fuck my life 4523452345139058734986279348 times over. I hope he'll understand. I really don't want my mark to drop down a grade. That would suck balls. I got on the bus ASAP. But I was like 2 minutes late for History.

I had a dream last night, that I was chosen to be in the next High School musical. Everyone was so happy for me, and I pretended to be happy, mostly because I hate High School musical. But it was pretty real. When I woke up, I was trying to make sure that I wasn't actually chosen. I was relieved when I realized it was a dream.

Of course that was on Thursday night, and I totally for got that I had a saved post on my blog. Yes, I do fail epically. It's Sunday right now.

I laugh at your stupidty

2008-10-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

OK. I was on the forums on Nexopia.
I came across this one.

http://www.nexopia.com/forumviewthread.php?tid=6825124&page=0

She is basically arguing that she is losing her rights as an individual
because they changed the legal age of consent for sex to 16.

I replied with this:

"Seriously, prepubesant boys/girls should not be having any type of sexual relation with a person that is 5 years older than them. It's disgusting. It's not taking away our rights. It's protecting us from making a bad choice.

Ever heard of NAMBLA? North American Man/Boy Love Association. They want to legalize having sexual relations with boys who are still children.

So is that what you really want? Your little brother going off with that creepy old man, and finding out that they've been having sex?

Think with the right head for once people

And you're 14. Why do you care about sex? You should caring about school, current events and socializing.. Not who you're going to sleep with next. I want them to change it to 18, and thank god they changed it to 16. People younger than that do not have the maturity to be able to make such a big choice. You might think that sex is all fun and games. Wait till you get an STI or pregnant.

The media has made sex so norm that the age at which people are "dating" is starting in junior high. I get sick, when I see boys who haven't taken Sex Ed in school, holding hands with someone at the mall, or making out at the train station. It's revolting. Relationships aren't something that people should do just cause they can. The main reason why people date, is to find that person who they are going to spend the rest of their life with. In my opinion, people shouldn't date until they are ready to be married. "

Serioulsy people, sex at 14?
That's disgusting. I know, I did that before that age, and I regret it.

Sunday.

2008-10-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

Before I was born, my mother had a friend, whom had a handicapped son.
I, myself, have a handicapped sister. This was the reason that my mother and her met. Her son's name was Kristian. But, he had a severe type of cerebral palsy. And before I was born, he had already died. That woman seemed to stay strong and my mother admired her for it. So when I was born, my mother also named me, Kristian.

This Sunday, on October, 12th, 2008, I am supposed to meet that woman. It will be the first time that I have met her. I am told that she hasn't seen me since the first month I was born.

It's a big thing for me. The reason behind MY name. Not a name that was chosen because of it meaning. (Kristian means "little christ', I'm far from it.) But, I'm meeting the person, and the inspiration for my parents to name me what they did.

I'm nervous.

I got my history assignment back today.

2008-10-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

I didn't blog about yesterday, it was pretty uneventful.

My parents picked me up, we went to Tim Hortons and the bank.
And then they drove me to work. I worked. Went home, ate, attempted to do some homework, argued about religion and then I slept.

While I was at timmy's however, there was a random storm. Winds blew over some garbage cans, and people freaked. No biggie really.

I made a rude comment at work however. There was a drunk guy, who came into work and was yelling about getting something copied. When he left I said to my manager, "You would think with all the listerine that they drink, they would have good breath." She laughed.

I had a good talk with Krista last night. We talked till 3am. I woke up at 7:02 the next morning and the bus I was supposed to catch was supposed to come at 7:14. Needless to say, I missed it.

Basically, today, I went to school, got coffee and went to my classes and now I'm sitting in that time slot where I have no class for two hours. I'm probably going to sit in Robyn's Psychology calss, and just do homework again. Or at least try to. I just flicked Robyn. And I'm planning to stay at the Uni tonight for some time to try and start my history paper that is due on Friday.
That's my day so far. I'm in Robyn's psych class again. Nothing too special.

BTW. I got my history summary back. Ouch.

FASHION AGAINST AIDS

2008-10-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

I took this picture. And I think it's absolutely stunning. Fashion Against AIDS. Go H&M.

Robyn is a douche.

2008-10-06T12:57:00.000-07:00

Well this is my first post as an official blogger.

I'm currently sitting in Robyn's psychology class, and I'm waiting for her class to finish, because then my class will start. I just spent $92 on CD's for my Music History class, and I'm not happy about it. Other than that life is pretty great.

University life is amazing. I really wish I hadn't moved out, that way I don't have to work and I would be able to enjoy all the experiences that are available here. The people here are amazing, the classes are amazing, the things that go on here are so amazing. I'm so glad I made the choice to go to university. When I'm on campus, I feel like the only thing that exists is this campus. That we are on a secluded area, and that nothing seems to exist outside of the campus. I feel like there is a certain ideology amoung all the students here. The ideology that they all want to strive, and do better, but that they all have more than an academic side to them. I mean, it feels like the most utter sophistication. I mean people here, carry around their laptops, like they were books. I think that it's amazing here. I've already decided that I'm staying for quite a while.

Living on my own is pretty fun as well. It's stressful balancing, full time work, and full time school. But, I seem to be managing. I just got a Wii, so that should be able to calm my stress down when it needs to. I should really clean my room though, but I'm really never home. I just got a new roommate, and it was a great first night when I was woken up by the loud moans coming from her and her boyfriend. I heard every word that was uttered. By the way, neither of them came. And then last night Stephanie brought Devin and Andrew over. I'm going to kill Devin because he puked on my carpet. He's not exactly the smartest person in the world. IE. Chugging the Sourpuss+Jack Daniels. Silly boy, drinking every weekend is for people who have nothing else to do with their time.

I really should keep up with my reading, but it sucks because I get so easily distracted. But I'm so behind on my Music History and Linguistics. I mean, I'm not failing, or close to. But I'm not at a mark that I want to be at. I'm going to be staying at the university pretty late for a while now.

But, since I'm blogging in my Linguistics class right now, I really should be paying attention.

Ciao.